What Walking a Mile in Their Shoes Taught Me About the Children We Find Hardest to Support
- Neil @ Future Action
- 13 hours ago
- 5 min read
There are moments when something cuts through the constant noise of education. Not a policy update or a new framework, but a story that stays with you and quietly reshapes how you see the world.
A couple of weeks ago, my wife and I curled up on the sofa to watch a film that had been recommended to me just before our Future of PE East Anglia Conference. Ben Holden from Wanna Teach PE mentioned it almost in passing and said it was right up my street. He wasn’t wrong.
The film was I Swear, a true story based on the life of John Davidson, a young man growing up with Tourette’s syndrome in a world that largely misunderstood him.
My wife and I laughed and cried, but more than anything, we developed empathy and compassion for what it might feel like to live inside a body and brain that others struggle to understand.
The film doesn’t romanticise adversity or ask for sympathy. It simply invites you to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes and to sit with the complexity of their experience.
If you have two minutes, I’d really encourage you to watch the trailer below before reading on. It captures the spirit of the film far better than words ever could and brings John’s story to life in a way that stays with you.
Source - StudioCanalUk - https://youtu.be/oeWqQN3snCU?si=fEptReJ-Z3BgVnEL
What this stirred for me as an educator
As I watched the film, I couldn’t help but think about the children we work with every day in our schools and classrooms, particularly those carrying experiences that shape how they show up in the world.
Earlier in my teaching career, I don’t think I always had enough curiosity, compassion or empathy for what some of my children were going through.
My own inherent need to be successful got in the way and there were expectations everywhere:
Ofsted.
Exam results.
Performance management.
Whole-class outcomes.
In the pressure to keep everything moving, it was easy to focus on behaviour as the problem rather than a signal, and on compliance rather than connection.
It was only when I began my own trauma-informed journey that I started to consider school and life through the eyes of my most vulnerable children.
When I did, and when we made reasonable adjustments rather than reactive ones, the impact was transformational:
Send-outs in my department reduced by 95%.
Attendance rose by five per cent.
Some of the children we had found most challenging increased their predicted grades by two and a half grades within a term.
The classroom felt safer, and teaching became brilliant again.
Looking beneath the surface
One of the most helpful ways I’ve learned to think about behaviour is through the image of an iceberg.
What we see above the waterline is often the disruption, the interruption, the dysregulation. What we don’t see, unless we choose to look more deeply, is everything underneath.
The film I Swear does this beautifully. It shows how easily behaviour can be misunderstood when we only respond to what is visible, without curiosity about what sits beneath.
This links closely to the work of Dan Hughes, a world-leading childhood trauma therapist, and his PACE model: Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity and Empathy.
PACE helps troubled children begin to feel seen rather than judged. Over time, it allows trust to rebuild and relationships to repair. When children feel emotionally safe, change becomes possible.
PACE is one part of our wider Connect Before Correct approach to managing behaviour in ways that avoid retraumatising children while still maintaining high standards.
A reflection you can try
This is an activity I often use with brilliant educators when presenting at conferences, and it’s something you might want to try now.
Take a moment and think about the child you are currently finding most difficult to reach.
This might be a child whose behaviour feels disruptive, unpredictable or emotionally draining, or a child that is distant and has given up on education.
Now, gently imagine a day in that child’s life.
What does their bedroom look like when they wake up?
How are they greeted in the morning?
What are they given for breakfast, if anything?
What does their journey to school feel like?
How do they experience friendships and peer interactions?
When they arrive at school, are they met with warmth and a “great to see you”, or with a sigh and a comment about uniform or equipment?
What do their lessons feel like from their perspective?
What happens at lunchtime, and after school?
Are they supported, supervised and connected, or left to navigate things alone?
And at the end of the day, what does the after school activities and the journey home look like?
And then the evening at home?
Are they read to, hugged, reminded they are loved, or left to navigate the world alone through a screen?
When we slow down and reflect beyond the surface behaviours, empathy and compassion naturally follow.
From there, we can begin to make reasonable adjustments that change outcomes for children and for us as educators.
Why this matters
Yes, it can be deeply frustrating when a child interrupts learning or struggles to regulate in class. But living day in and day out with the impact of adversity is far harder.
Films like I Swear remind us of the human stories behind behaviours and invite us to respond with greater care.
They also remind us that when we prioritise connection over correction, we don’t lower standards. We raise them, because children are finally able to access learning in environments where they feel safe enough to do so.
A gentle next step
If this blog has resonated and you’re curious about how trauma-informed practice could support you, your colleagues or your school, there are two gentle ways to take the next step.
You might choose to join our waiting list to explore future partnerships, training, consultancy or speaking, and to receive updates about support that fits your context.
Or you might find it helpful to complete our Trauma Informed Frontline Educators Scorecard, a short reflective tool that helps you map strengths and identify practical next steps.
Both are designed to help you pause, reflect and move forward in ways that feel manageable and meaningful.
I hope this story stays with you, as it did with me, and encourages you to keep choosing empathy, curiosity and connection in the moments that matter most.
Thank you for everything you do for your young people.
Neil Moggan
Founder, Future Action
💛🧠💪
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