Bella, Smartphones and the Courage to Choose Connection

At Christmas, my 10-year-old daughter had a simple request. A smartphone. Or a puppy.

Two very different futures wrapped up in one decision. As a dad, and as an educator, I didn’t take that lightly.

A few weeks later, we welcomed Bella Moggan, our eight-week-old Yorkshire Terrier, into our family. And this little bundle of fur has already started teaching us some big lessons.

Why We Chose the Puppy

In my book, Time to RISE Up, I outline the growing concerns around children’s mental health. A significant part of that story is the rise of the smartphone-based childhood.

Since smartphones with social media became widespread around 2011, data from the Centres for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) in the United States has shown sharp increases in self-harm and suicide rates among teenage girls.

Self-harm rates rose by around 62% for 15–19-year-olds and by an alarming 189% for girls aged 10–14 over the following decade, alongside significant rises in suicide rates.

Social psychologist and NYU professor Jonathan Haidt has described this period as a “gigantic increase” in anxiety and depression, arguing that social media has reshaped young people’s developing sense of identity, self-worth and their ability to connect face-to-face.

This isn’t a new concern for me. I wrote about it back in October 2020 in one of my earliest Future Action blogs, The Social Dilemma: Time to Build Mental Fitness for Our Young People’s Sake:

As a father, that concerns me deeply. As someone who taught thousands of teenagers between 2004 and 2023, I watched the dramatic decline unfold in real time.

Working daily with schools navigating comparison culture, doom scrolling, disrupted sleep and reduced in-person connection, it feels difficult to ignore.

So when my daughter was weighing up her options, we made a deal.

If she chose the dog, the smartphone would wait until she is at least 14.

That is the agreement.

This Isn’t About Demonising Phones

Let me be clear. This isn’t about pretending smartphones are evil. They’re tools. Powerful ones. And like all powerful tools, timing and boundaries matter.

We know alcohol isn’t safe, so we restrict it for children.

We know certain drugs are harmful, so we ban them for under 16s.

This isn’t about limiting personal freedom. It’s about adults stepping up to protect and guide while children are still developing.

I also recognise this is not a one-size-fits-all approach. Every family is different. Every child is different. Parenting in a digital age is complex and nuanced.

This is simply the line we’ve chosen for our family, for now. We’ll see how it unfolds.

PACEs Over Potential ACEs

At Future Action, we talk a lot about PACEs, Positive Attachment Childhood Experiences.

The everyday moments of connection, safety, belonging and joy that buffer children from adversity.

I believe Bella represents a PACE in our home.

Instead of comparison culture, we get muddy paws and family walks.

Instead of doom scrolling, we get cuddles on the sofa.

Instead of late-night screen time, we get earlier bedtimes because someone needs letting out at 6am.

Instead of digital validation, we get unconditional love. And yes, we get a little boost of oxytocin, that beautiful “bonding chemical”, released when we stroke her.

We also get additional movement. Family walks. Fresh air. Shared responsibility. Laughter.

Memories.

None of this guarantees a perfect outcome. But it tilts the environment slightly towards connection, regulation and wellbeing.

The Bigger Conversation

I’m also watching closely what’s happening internationally.

Australia has introduced stronger restrictions on smartphones for under 16s. A large part of me hopes the UK government will move in a similar direction for under 16s.

Because while schools can educate, parents still carry the deepest influence in the early years. And leadership starts at home.

Why I’m Sharing This

I’m not sharing this to tell anyone what to do.

I’m sharing it because many of us parent/educators are quietly wrestling with these same questions:

1. How do we protect without overprotecting? 

   
   

2. How do we prepare without exposing too soon? 

   
   

3. How do we create childhoods that are rich in connection rather than comparison?

Bella won’t solve everything. But she’s a daily reminder of something simple and powerful:

Connection beats correction. Presence beats performance. Love beats likes.

And if we can intentionally build more PACEs into our homes and schools, perhaps we can shift the trajectory of children’s mental wellbeing in small but meaningful ways.

I’d welcome your thoughts around, How are you navigating smartphones in your family or school?

This is a complex conversation. There isn’t a single right answer.

But if we can approach it with curiosity, compassion and courage, maybe we can make better collective decisions for the next generation.

In the meantime, Bella is currently asleep on my foot as I type this. And that feels like a good place to start.

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Thank You

Have a brilliant week, and thank you for all you do for your young people.

Neil Moggan and the Future Action team